“Since this is our second home and we live here all day,
five days a week
at least, we like to keep the ladies’ bathroom clean for ourclients and
ourselves. Therefore, if you must stand,
please lift the seat.”
I spotted this sign recently, discretely posted above the
paper holder in one of the ladies room stalls in my lawyer’s office. Bravo to the authoress for putting in print
what women know all too well and to which men are oblivious. I couldn’t help but chuckle reading it, for
no matter how civilized and posh a place may be, the specter of wet potty seats
always looms. Totally gross.
On the not infrequent occasions when I have been so
confronted, after a barrage of invective, I’ve wondered why women would stand
instead of assuming the posture her plumbing dictates. Kissing this infraction of good manners off
as mere ornery inconsideration or unbearable sloppiness is too superficial. Could those women really have been toilet
trained to stand? What kind of mothers did
they have?
Having insatiable curiosity I once tried assuming this
almost vertical stance to see if it offered any advantages. It was awkward and uncomfortable, my
pantyhose stretched to its limits. Apart
from cultivating a better sense of balance, it was an exercise in contortion.
If you’re skeptical, try it yourself, but for heave’s sake,
do not wear slacks or a jump suit. Pretty and chic they are but practical they are not. Peeing sitting while wearing those is enough
of a challenge, the entire ensemble virtually crumpled o the floor. Only a man could have adapted jump suits for
women and they knew full well that women were very different from them. The cardinal rule if you’re foolish enough to
wear one is never wait till the last minute or you’ll be sorry.
So I return to the perplexing question: Why don’t these females sit? A series of bizarre thoughts cross my mind.
Do grown women still believe those vivid old wives’ tales of
contracting syphilis or gonorrhea from toilet seats? Are there still women who think they can get
pregnant from a toilet seat? I thought
that went out with the perils of kissing. And today, with a variety of newer sexually transmitted diseases
abounding, are moms still training their daughters to Stand Up & Pee?
Assuming fear of disease is the prime mover here, there are
defensive measures we can take. Why not
carry Lysol Spray everywhere and spray the seat – after wiping it dry of
course. Or lobby for ultra-violet rays
to dry and sterilize seats in every public john? Or those neat seat covers evident in fancier
bathroom? All better options than the
discomfort of half standing, don’t you think?
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